These questions have been a struggle for me. Without realizing it. I am an entrepreneur for over 11 years with some succes. Being very independent and strong I felt I could run my business on my own, all by myself. Yes, I know, it sounds as stupid to you as it does to me now…

Many years ago I was involved in a car accident. I was hospitalised for a while and it took some time to get back on my feet. Since I was a ‘tough’ girl, I didn’t even want to consider the fact that I was a victim of that car accident. I didn’t want to feel the pain, or even accept my body was no longer that strong vessel as it was before the accident. I spent years fighting the fact that my life had changed… and I wasn’t prepared to change with it. I couldn’t accept the fact my body wasn’t as strong as it was. That I was easily tired, couldn’t walk that fast… couldn’t  play sports as well as I did before. Wasn’t able to sit in a car for longer then an hour without feeling depleted of energy. For the outside world I thought everyone saw me as the same strong woman as I was before. Complaining wasn’t in my dictionary. I was not willing to give in to any pain… even though for the outside world it was so obvious.

How many of you can relate to this story? Do you have a similar experience? Maybe not yourself, but do you recognise someone in your environment who could fit in this story? It’s not so unique. When you start talking about it with others, you’ll soon find out everyone has one or more examples… the second one even worse then the first!

Ever considered that by ignoring what is (i.e. in my case: the pain and restrictions) , by not talking about your feelings/ situation….you are just as much a victim as other people talking about their sorrow? Maybe even complaining about it? Did the thought ever crossed your mind that by denying you are a victim…. You might be victimising yourself and others? By doing that, you were creating your own victim mentality? Maybe even using it as a standard?

That insight really hit me right in the face! I was ‘allergic’ for people complaining about their life, their misfortune, their health issues. I was raised in a way that you just ‘deal’ with those things and don’t talk too much about it. And I don’t think I am the only one raised that way. Although … there are also so many people around (so it seems) who grap each and every opportunity to tell you how bad they are hit by ….. anything!? How tough life is on them…. They love the attention they get out of it. Don’t try to make them see things from a different point of view. It won’t work. They just tell you their sad story again and again and …. agian… and never give it a second thought that you might not be so interested in their sad story as they are!

It took some coaching and training before I realised, deep down inside, I did feel  victimised in that car accident! I longued to be open about it, about my fears, my pain. By not communicating about what was happening with me, I more or less made myself, and my close friends, hostage of the situation. A great insight for me: although I never choose for that accident to happen (consiously), I also never choosed consiously how to deal with the effects it had on me. And by that… I created a victim mentality by which my energy was even more depleted. I believe that accident was a sign of fate!  Where I was in life at that time would not bring to me any fulfilment. I was goal oriented and not so open to other people. I was in the game to win! And no one in my team was allowed to fail. Was I interested in other people? Really interested? No. Was I a nice person?…. I don’t believe so. Fate!?? Hmm….

That car accident started a journey of self development. I learnt about the power of the victim for example, one of the 4 major energies that hold the base of our lifes.

The victim energy has everything to do with  self esteem and self-value. It’s the energy that makes you aware of your inner power, your strength, your resilience. I learnt about respect and courage and integrity. About self confidence and setting boundaries… and be happy with  it. I also learned about the shadow side of the victim energy. You’ll recognise it when you see it: the cry for attention, for not taking responsibility for you life. People who get stuck here are so easy to spot: They are the ones who, no matter what you do or say to bring them an alternative…. will always say  “No I can’t do that because…..” or ‘Yes… you are right, but.….” For the helpers in the world… you know what I am talking about don’t you? They drive you crazy!

The moment I realy understood this victim energy (thanks to Caroline Myss) it changed my perception of ‘me’. When I feel that victim energy again I now ask myself 4 questions:

1. Is this way of acting helping me?
2. What is really the issue here? The underlying issue?
3. Am I willing to take responsibility for the situation I am in now? Am I willing to let go?
4. How can I communicate about what I really want?

I now know, after years of practise that the shadow energy is there to show me something. There is something underneath it that has value to me, that wants to come out! The big question is: can I open my eyes and see it?

I truely believe there is always more to discover about myself. And by doing that I am more and more empowering myself in showing my volnerability. “From fate (stay stuck in the situation) to destiny “ (working a way round the situation to grow and learn).

How does this work for your life? When do you cherish the victim in you… and when do you breakthrough it? What holds you back? What motivates you to unreveal what is there to discover abour yourself?

Since the glass ceiling was established in the eighties, many things have improved on gender parity, equal opportunities… leading to women breaking through the glass ceiling. There are many initiatives today to make the world see the value of having a good mix of both man and women in the top of organizations. On governmental level we see legislation, expecting organizations to have a minimum quota of female leaders in their board. Not just in the US. In Holland it should be at least 30% (2016), in the UK 25 %, in Norway 40%.

Our real challenge in breaking through the glass ceiling

In that same world we see the high potential women, ready to break through the glass ceiling. Sometimes frustrated or at least irritated they are wasting time, waiting and wondering how to work around that glass ceiling. We have become very strong, independent individuals, hard working, looking for challenges. Doing things on our own. Looking for help…. But I believe, most of the time, not asking for help. This is probably one of the most challenging parts of breaking through the glass ceiling! We can’t do it on our own!… and maybe the glass ceiling is something that mainly exists  inside of us…more then it is around us.

In succesfull organizations there are sponsorship programs for high potentials (male and female). Having a sponsor, being your mentor, coach, mirror… sometimes kicking you …. makes you grow and succeed, attracting the attention from topmanagement. We seem to accept this… and embrace this! And why not… it’s helping us and the organization. We learn a lot and give a lot. It’s a win-win. Actually it’s a win-win-win… also the sponsor will benefit here, since he/ she is very much visible in the organization, sharing in your successes! And meanwhile also growing in his/ her own talents/ skills and carreer.

Is it enough?

Do we need legislation to help us breaking through the glass ceiling? Is a quota system helping us? Have we become a ‘political correct’ number in organizations, being promoted to the top…. “Just for show”…. As critics say? Or is there more to it?

Those critics come from women as well. We rather be promoted on our own merit and the skills we would bring to the board to add value. Not because of some law. Of course, no one can disagree with this. We all want to be acknowledged for who we are and the value we add to the world. So…what is happening here? We know we have the skills, done the hard work, feel the passion for what we are doing, are great in it. Looking for help…even ‘till today we find many examples around of women hitting the glass ceiling, not being able to break through it. And now, even when we are getting help from the government by a law… we feel we shouldn’t be happy about it, because other peoples opinions might say we got the job …’just because we are a woman and because of legislation’.??? Do we really believe in this ? Would there be any government in the world working on this legislation purely for the sake of promoting women to the top? Don’t you think there is more to it? That democraphics might play a role? (after all, roughtly 50% of the working population is female). That we do play an important role in economics? Yes, we are part of statistics… so what?

Recent figures  (UK) show that companies with more women on their boards were found to out-perform their rivals with a 42 % higher return in sales, 66 % higher return on invested capital and 53 % higher return on equity. (http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/media-centre/news/letter-to-businesses ).

Why are we not celebrating these developments? Is it because when these ‘external’ boundaries for breaking through the glass ceiling are taken away… there is no excuse left to use? That from that moment on… the only thing that is keeping us back to reach our potential… is in ourselves?

I remembered this beautifil story I heard about 10 years ago. It was (one of many) told by a native Yaqui Indian Lench Archuleta while I visited his place in Arizona. The things he showed me during my stay are of a whole different caliber….( you should check out his site: www.windspiritteaching.com) .

He told me this story…. his story about the jumping flee:

The jumping flee

When I was about 13-14 years old, I realised that there was a meaning for me in life. And in the culture I come from, we listened to the elder people. So my grandfather had taken an important place in my life. Everytime he would tell his stories you could hear a needle fall. Everybody would listen to him, listening to his words of wisdom.

So, there I was, a little boy, wondering about the world around me.

One day, I went to my grandfather and told him that I would like to found out how to best serve the people.

My grandfather looked at me and said: “Come on and follow me.” And on our way outside he would took a jar and brought it outside. We walked around for a little bit while he was looking around for something. He suddenly bent over and took something, picked it up and put it in the jar and put the lit on it.

-I said: “What’s that?”

He said:”That’s a flee, a jumping flee.”

-“Very nice…. What do they do?”

“They jump. They jump, that’s what they do. They jump because its their nature. I want to show you….”

It’s the nature of the jumping flee to jump. So after a while the flee started to jump in the jar. And everytime he jumped he would hit his head on the lit. And even a jumping flee realises after a while that with every jump he would hit his head on the lit. So it stopped for a minute or so and all of a sudden he came to the realisation that he would hit his head when jumping to the lit. And he thought: “Wait a minute, this will give me a huge headache… I have to jump because that is what I do. I am a jumping flee but it really doesn’t feel good to hit my head.” So he thought about his situation a little bit longer and then he started jumping just a little bit less high than the lit on the top of the jar.

And I took note of that. And my grandfather looked at me and made sure that I noticed to take note of that.

Then he bent over and took the jar and took the lit of the jar. And what do you suppose would happen…..?

The flee kept jumping but it only got that far from the top of the jar. It only jumped up that high from the top of the jar…

I said:” What happened?”

Grandfather said: “What is happened to that flee is what has happened to most people of this planet. It has become conditioned. People are very easy to condition, like this jumping flee.” He said:” Most of the people are walking around in a jar. Walking around and jumping in their jar. Surrounded by glass with no lit on it and they try to figure out how to get out of there. They try to figure out how they can break out of this jar and they simply don’t know how.”

“That’s the situation you are in. That’s the situation most people are in. And if you want to talk about how you can best serve people, it’s showing them how to get out of the jar.”

And there my learning started, a start of a wonderful proces.

This story gets to me every time I speak with people who somehow have given up on themselves. They were as the jumping flee … hitting their head… and after a while adjusting to whatever they bumped into… or even worse: giving up…. blaming others for the position they are in.  I was one of them… but fortunately I found a way out, trusting myself, building my (long lost) selfesteem and in a way started my life’s journey to empowerment. A journey that will never end hopefully. It’s all these encounters with people like Lench, and other great and succesful people that make me realise WHY I want people to have their breakthroughs… to fulfill their highest potential.

How powerfull we are… when doing the right things! Try this out!

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dtk5qs3HvlI

How do you deal with that little voice in your head with non-supporting believes?

Reality also shows it’s not something from modern times. I found these lyrics: 16 tons… please take some time to listen to it and to comprehend what is said.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rYr7yvYc4wQ

If there is one thing we always have, it’s the ability to choose. To choose how we feel about ourselves, to choose what we want out of life. I know… what if the circumstances are telling us differently? Can we still choose? I believe we can… otherwise we will let us be victimised by circumstances, or by other people. As a victim, we don’t take responsibility for ourselves. Will life change if we do stand up for ourselves?If we can look at ourself in a positive way? Once we grow our selfesteem, we will get a different life. A different carreer. A different perspective.

The limitations we feel… are all part of ourself! You don’t have to sell your soul (to “the company store”) to fulfill your potential!

More on this later on. Would love to hear your reaction!

Please read this article!

There is a work-life balance challenge, and yes, the man do have to get used to their ambitious partner. But… does it have any relationship with what we see as our glass ceiling?

What do you think we can learn from it? As I see it… if we don’t make it into a problem… why should other people do so?

There is also a glass cellar… and the article below tells us it is not only the women in the company who fight this irritating concept. Or is it more than a concept?

Please read this:

Let me know! Please leave your comments.